Fishy Business

A routine by Steve Legg

I’m going to tell you a story about a little fish called Nemo. 

Nemo was a happy little fish, always splishing and splashing as fishes do.  But there were lots of other things Nemo never did.

He never cleaned his teeth (bleahh!).  He never polished his fins.  He never went to his swimming lessons.

Worst of all, he NEVER did as he was told.

“Don’t do that, Nemo,” his mum would frown.  “How many times must I tell you?”

It made no difference.  Nemo the little fish just would not listen. 

So when his mum told him he must never talk to strangers and definitely NEVER go off with a stranger, as usual Nemo took no notice.

One day when Nemo was swimming happily in the deep, blue sea, splishing and splashing as fishes do, along came a big, bold shark.

“Hello,” said the shark, stretching his mouth into an enormous grin.  “I’m Sidney.  How would you like to come and see my cave?”

Nemo the little fish had never seen so many huge, white teeth.  But he wasn’t the least bit frightened.  In fact, he was so excited, he forgot every word his mum had said.

“Yes, please!” he cried and, splishing and splashing as fishes do, he swam happily away with Sidney.

At last they reached the cave.  It looked very big and very cold and very, very dark.  But Nemo wasn’t worried at all.  In he swam without a shake or a shiver while Sidney followed quietly close behind, his grin growing bigger and bigger.

Outside the cave, nothing moved.  Nothing made a sound.  And Nemo the little fish had vanished.

When Nemo’s mum found out where he’d gone, she was very, very worried.

“There’s only one thing sharks like Sidney want with little fishes like Nemo” she trembled in that worried way that fishes have.  “They want to eat them!”

There was nothing for it but to fetch Olly.

Olly was an octopus.  He knew all about Sidney.  He knew how the big, bold shark picked on trusting little fishes – and Olly didn’t like it one bit.

But there was one thing Olly had that Sidney didn’t like either – his eight arms and legs. 

They were long. They were wiggly.  They slithered through the sea like snakes.  And they gave Sidney Shark the heebie-jeebies!

But was it enough? 

Olly thought for a moment.  What could give a shark like Sidney even more heebie-jeebies than eight snaky arms and legs?

“Got it,” he said to himself.  “Eight snaky arms and legs with boxing gloves on!  I’ll give him the fright of his life!”

As luck would have it, Olly the octopus happened to have eight boxing gloves in a drawer in his bedroom.  So he slipped them on and swam off to Sidney’s cave.

The cave was still very big and very cold and very, very dark.

Olly was scared.  But Nemo the little fish was somewhere inside, and Olly knew he had to save him.  So in he went.

Outside the cave, nothing moved.  Nothing made a sound.  Until suddenly –

“Aaaaah!” 

It was Sidney.  He was screaming at the top of his voice.

“Keep those long, wiggly, slithery, snaky arms and legs away from me!”

There was a thud.  A loud thud.  Then silence.

All at once, Olly appeared at the mouth of the cave. 

“I did it!” he cried, waving his arms and legs triumphantly.  “I saved Nemo the little fish.”

Some time later, out of the cave swam Sidney Shark.  Only he didn’t look big and bold anymore.  And he certainly wasn’t grinning.  His teeth were broken, his fins were bent, and he was covered in plasters. 

You see, that’s what happens when an octopus wearing boxing gloves gives a shark like Sidney the fright of his life.  Sidney was so busy trying to get out of his cave, he took a wrong turning and crashed into a wall.  Thud.

So, where was Nemo the little fish?  Ah, here he is.  He must have been hiding in the cave till Sidney was gone.

And, do you know what, from that day onwards, Nemo the little fish always did as he was told.  He always cleaned his teeth.  He always polished his fins.  He always went to his swimming lessons.

Best of all, he always remembered never to talk to strangers and definitely NEVER to go off with a stranger.

Nemo the little fish is all grown up and Nemo the big fish now.  You can still see him swimming happily in the deep, blue sea, splishing and splashing as fishes do.

But you’ll never, NEVER find him in a cold, dark cave…